There is still so much frustration with some of my closest friends. As I was explaining why trying again is not such an easy decision and why Ry and I each have our own ideas of timing, my friend commented that we had picked such arbitrary dates that really don't mean anything, like June 1st. I almost slapped her. June 1st is not just any other random day to us, it is and always will now be Korbin's birthday. Always. It shocks me that she can say this to me, but she just really doesn't get it.
She then started talking about when she wants to have kids and said she's glad we still want to have kids someday.
Why do I still try? It is borderline maddening to sit through this calmly and not get outwardly upset. But every encounter involves a blow to my heart. They just don't recognize that I am a mother now, that I've had a child.
Part of me wants them to come to support group, but I can't subject the other moms to such hurtful comments and questions.
Now I just need to focus on the new relationships I am making with some of the moms in my group. They are becoming my new friends who I can actually relate to and find comfort in and maybe someday share excitement with. They are kind and compassionate, understanding and sympathetic. And that is what I need now. I'm already hurting constantly, I don't need others to make me feel even worse.
Because despite the pain, I got a lotta love to give.
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