Thankful

Entering the holiday season has emphasized the hole in my life greatly. Bitterly, I think to myself, 'ya, right, I'm so thankful my baby died earlier this year.' Especially as so many post daily on Facebook the wonderful and good things they are thankful for.
This morning everyone was thankful for their families and friends. So I jokingly posted how thankful I am that Ryan bought me rims at 4:30 this morning while I slept in. It was kind of sarcastic, because really I am bitter and don't immediately recognize any thankfulness for anything in life right now.
But I do have things to be thankful for, and I need to remember these things that I do have:
Ryan, who is still by my side, even through what is hopefully the darkest time in our life together. Thank you God for him and the vows we made five years ago.
My immediate family who is so patient and compassionate with us. They lost Korbin too, a nephew, a grandson. They grieve too.
My close coworkers (friends) and my boss. Who visited, texted, messaged, and listen to me talk about how much stuff sucks still without weird looks or trying to cut me off.
Support group, where I can cry and whine and be bitter with others who get it because they unfortunately are going through this too.
The roof over my head that I can afford.
The too tight waste band of my pants because I can afford to eat so much.
My puppy dogs, who cry with me sometimes, and make laugh till I cry too.
My closest friends, who, like my coworkers, just let me talk and make it easy too.
My job, even if I don't feel the same enthusiasm I used to. It's a career that scientifically is really pretty freaking cool.
Despite my bitterness, I am surrounded by a lot of loving people who keep me going. And thanks to all of them showing me the love that's deep inside, I still got a lotta love to give.