Monday, April 27, 2015


All too often Ryan and I (okay, mostly Ryan, I'll admit) can be a bit over-the-top about things being put away at home. I slack at times because I'll have multiple projects being worked on at once that, if they're put away, I'll forget about them. Anyway, things must be orderly and in their place. Children mess with this perfect order. Big time.
I'll put all of my old paperwork in a shred pile, and P will see it and promptly pull it apart piece by piece and spread it everywhere. I'll hang up clean diaper covers to dry, or have inserts and covers in a bin ready to put together for daycare. And P will dig out anything he can, and spread them everywhere. We pick up his toys and put them in baskets. He pulls them out. And spreads them everywhere. Notice the pattern?
Honestly, all I can do is smile. Which is such a better alternative to getting frustrated and yelling when he has no idea he's messing anything up to begin with. To help me maintain that positive spin, I say, "are you helping?" with a smile on my face. And P just smiles and keeps up with the good help.
It really is good help. For my frame of mind, my sanity. P helps me remember that everything will be okay, even when things are messy. The mess is temporary. And oddly, I'm thankful for these messy moments. They bring me fully present into reality and out of the robot get through life mode that I tend to fall into so often still.
Because I got a litta love to give.

Thursday, April 16, 2015

Spilled Milk

There's the saying, "There's no use crying over spilled milk." Well, whoever wrote that was never a working/pumping mom! Breast is such liquid gold, full of amazing healing and nutritional properties, that every drop must be used and not go to waste.
That being said, my rather large freezer stash from my oversupply days (thank you NICU lactation consultants for stressing me out by saying that I just wasn't producing enough...) has hundreds of ounces near their 'expiration.' Roughly a year in the deep freezer can be too long. So, I posted info to a few pages on Facebook and found a match. P will not get through it as he gets fresh from me, plus one frozen bottle a day while I'm away at work. I can't stand the thought of just throwing it out, therefore it must be put to good use.

What 210oz looks like....

This mama is amazing. Battling a disease that requires medications that tank her supply. She would stay off as long as possible to build her supply, then get back on the meds to have it tank immediately, and then repeat. I cannot fathom having a hurdle like that. After all we've been through, thank you God I can nurse my boy!
Hearing this, I now was able to finally let go a little of the milk I've amassed during my own nursing journey. It's crazy the relationship one builds with their supply.
We met nearby, and as she got out of her car I wanted to hug her, but wasn't sure if she would reciprocate. Then she kind of leaned in and said she had to hug me. I almost cried, it became such an intimate and emotional moment. I'm able to nourish her child the best way she sees fit. She may not be able to nurse, but her baby still gets the magical liquid gold her body needs.
Just amazing.
Kind of an instant bond between two total strangers. Her gratitude, completely not necessary, but so incredibly heart warming.
I will do this again.
Because I got a lotta love to give.

Wednesday, April 8, 2015


You can read about this anywhere on the internet these days. How moms need to band together and support each other despite our differing opinions on parenting. Because we're all just doing the same thing: taking care of our children the best way we see fit.
I know I can be judgy. There's just a huge difference between thinking the judgment and acting upon it. What I have chosen is not what works for every other parent out there, nor every child for that matter. (There are few things that this does not really cover, however, vaccines being one of them because that affects my childand  every other child one will come into contact with...but that's a post for another day!)
Depsite knowing that we all will judge, it still takes me aback when I am confronted with anothers judgmental attitude. For instance, at a family function recently, one family brought up how long I was continuing to breastfeed P. I calmly said that I'm letting him self wean, which may be a while. This person said she just can't understand nursing a child who can ask for it, that it's just plain wierd. And furthermore, she just doesn't want to see it. So. Much. Judgment.
I said that I'll nurse him till he's four or five if that's how long it goes, and I don't mind the length of time people nurse. I did not comment on nursing in public, but instead nursed P (at the dinner table!) just after dinner.
I then came across this great article to all those judging outwardly, and it all boiled down to this one major point: you don't have to watch.
Yes! If you don't want to see it, you don't have to look, stare, or even comment on it. I think snot is disgusting, and I'd rather not see kids blow their nose. So will you just keep that to a bathroom stall from now on please? I know you have a tossue in your purse that's super handy, but I really don't want to see that. Or I can just not watch it!
Ry pointed out on the way home from dinner that night that P already asks for it. He may not say 'milk' but we both know when he's asking to nurse. Not gonna stop, especially with the APA saying to continue at least four times a day till age two.
We need to build each other up, support each other in our differing approaches to parenting. Because we're all just doing the best we can. I know I am.
And I got a lotta love to give.

Sunday, April 5, 2015

Easter 2015

For some reason I kept thinking this was Ps first Easter, but his first was just after being released from the NICU. And I'm pretty sure we just stayed home and enjoyed time with him.
This year was different. We went to church, he got a special outfit, we put some toys in a basket for him (pretty sure he still doesn't get the gift receiving thing, so precious). I felt like I went all out.

I even got the day off work (after arriving and getting things started, I was then told to get home just in time to join everyone for chirch).
It was such a nice day with Ryan and P and family. I so look forward to more. And more church. It made me realise that I've really been missing that in my life. I pray, and read the bible on occasion. But I miss a good traditional church service, with the hymnal and prays and hymns and gospel and lessons and communion. All of it. But nothing new agey or rock bandish. And one that actually wants to be a part of the community. Something to work toward, I guess, as I'm it on Sundays at work. They'll have to understand at some point.
Because I got a lotta love to give.