So sorry

Today at Costco I saw a mini Mini that's battery powered for kids to drive around. I kind of laughed and pointed at it, asking Ry if that's his next car. He just looked straight ahead and didn't say a word. Totally clueless I said, 'okay, nothing to say to that.' And then he said, 'nope, bad memories. I was looking at those the day before.'
I honestly had no idea that this car had any connection to Korbin for him, or that he'd been looking them up the day before we lost Korbin. I felt awful.
People every day say something that seems harmless and completely unrelated to my baby, but to me it stirs up an incredible emotional response and at times I can't do anything but nod my head because uttering a word will make me cry. But I feel like Ry and I are the ones who really understand what we're going through. We both lost Korbin. And so we should be the last ones to say or do something that elicits such emotion.
I could feel the tears welling up as my heart sank and my stomach ached from what I had done to Ryan. A few minutes later he asked me what was wrong. In the middle of Costco with people hustling and bustling around us, I burst into tears and said that I just feel so bad because I didn't mean to bring up such a memory.
Thankfully, we understand more than anyone else can that we're not trying to hurt each other in these moments. I can remember that, as my mom was getting ready to go home after rushing to my side when we lost Korbin, Ry was trying to console me by reminding me she'd be back at the end of July. I immediately burst into tears reminding him that the trip was meant to be for my baby shower. I could see he felt bad for bringing it up, he didn't mean to bring up such an emotional topic for me.
Sometimes it's like we have to walk on egg shells, not just with each other, but even me with myself. Trying to protect our hearts from any sudden thought or memory that can hurt so much. That can break my heart all over again.
My heart feels so full sometimes I think it might burst. I just have so much love for my baby that I don't get to share with him. I got a lotta love to give.