I really used to think I had the power to make my dreams come true. What's apparent now, unfortunately, is that I have no control in this thing we call life. My two dreams were to become a physician and to have a family. I wanted to be the crazy busy working mom. Now I just feel lost. I worked so hard to get into medical school only to not receive a single interview invite this past application cycle. But, no worries, we were starting our family. Career goals can still happen during or after that starts. Then my baby was ripped from me suddenly and so unexpectedly. No family either. At least, not in the sense I was hoping for. All these hopes and dreams. What now? What's next? Do I keep trying when the universe is so obviously telling me, 'nope, not yet'...?
Life is such an interesting adventure. A journey with hills and valleys. It's funny, after reading 'Cutting for Stone' I distinctly remember saying to a coworker that the story would not have been beautiful if the devastating deaths within it had not happened. But that's not what I meant for real life. That's not supposed to be my story. So then, is this how my story becomes one of beauty? Because I really fail to see the beauty in it right now. And hope for a brighter tomorrow is waning.
Life shouldn't be so difficult. Because I still got a lotta love to give.
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