Some days I just feel such an emptiness around me. Not physically, like I'm still supposed to be pregnant, but more so in life. Home feels empty, and it keeps me from being able to really sit and relax. That's when I feel Korbin's absence most because I know I should be cradling, bathing, feeding or changing him. Trying to soothe him when he cries. Parents around me complain about how little time they have now, yet I crave being that busy.
It really frustrates me too as I know there are some around me who don't recognize this emptiness that I feel. Saying things like, 'I know you'll have children someday.' I did have a child, thank you very much. And he's gone, leaving me to always wonder what his personality would have been, or even just how he'd react to Bear and Seven licking his toes. Then there's the opposite, equally as frustrating, when people who know just look at me differently. Like they feel sorry for me. I appreciate that they want me to know their sympathies. But it sucks to be treated differently. I feel it when I enter a room, the elephant in the room, the hushed conversations about others' babies. I'm unhappy either way; whether they trudge on like everything's okay or they stop talking about certain things to try and keep from hurting me.
It just sucks. How much this has changed me. And how it has changed the way those around me treat me. Included, excluded.
Whether others see it or not, I got a lotta love to give.
It really frustrates me too as I know there are some around me who don't recognize this emptiness that I feel. Saying things like, 'I know you'll have children someday.' I did have a child, thank you very much. And he's gone, leaving me to always wonder what his personality would have been, or even just how he'd react to Bear and Seven licking his toes. Then there's the opposite, equally as frustrating, when people who know just look at me differently. Like they feel sorry for me. I appreciate that they want me to know their sympathies. But it sucks to be treated differently. I feel it when I enter a room, the elephant in the room, the hushed conversations about others' babies. I'm unhappy either way; whether they trudge on like everything's okay or they stop talking about certain things to try and keep from hurting me.
It just sucks. How much this has changed me. And how it has changed the way those around me treat me. Included, excluded.
Whether others see it or not, I got a lotta love to give.
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