Lessons

Everything happens for a reason. I do believe this. But it's hard to think that there's a good reason Korbin isn't with us right now. I've been struggling with this over the past few months, especially when I let myself wander down the dark path of why's that inevitably leads to new depths of despair I've never known before. What reason is there for my baby to die? A very close friend told me that, as much as she prayed and thought about it, she could not come up with the lesson there is in all of this for us.
Then today, Ry jokingly said, 'There's a lesson in everything.' I replied, 'Oh ya? What's the lesson in Korbin dying?' 'Life sucks, Lis. Life sucks.' Yup, so true. I'm reminded of a quote a friend shared:
"Most of life is hell. It's filled with failure and loss. People disappoint you; dreams don't work out; hearts get broken.... And the best moments of life, when everything comes together, are few and fleeting. But you'll never get to the next moment if you don't keep going. So that's what I do, I keep going." (Political Animals)
All I can do is keep going. I don't really have energy for anything else. I just keep living, clinging desperately to the sliver of hope that one day we'll be happy in life. But I do still wonder, will we ever be satisfied?
Somewhere deep within me, I still got a lotta love to give.