Looking back I can't help but think, 'this was supposed to be the best year of my life so far.' It definitely started out that way. But it has ended so incredibly opposite of what I had hoped for, dreamed of and imagined.
That's pretty much why we're not out celebrating or ringing in the new year like so many we know. I'm pretty down now with the year coming to a close. A chapter of life that I'm still struggling to come to terms with. I thought I was doing better. But then the holidays came up and the crying started all over again. The other night I was on that verge of being fast asleep when suddenly I realized, Oh. My. God. I had a baby. And he died. The thought punched me in the stomach like it had just happened in that moment. I still have those realizations. Because life keeps going and I have to keep up with the quick pace at which it flies by. I don't have time to think about Korbin sometimes during the day. And when I do finally have a moment, it really hits me hard.
So, despite still being such a Debbie-Downer, here's to hoping for renewed hope, renewed faith, maybe even renewed joy in life. 2013 has to be better than 2012. Because I got a lotta love to give.
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