In Memory Of...

Today I finally went shopping for baby items to donate in Korbin's memory. My sister-in-law, Alex, volunteers for a fantastic women's shelter in Bellevue called Sophia Way. They work with homeless women, some of whom have children to care for as well. Ryan and I are really very blessed with our jobs, our home, and the life style in which we can live, and I can't help but think about the children who are homeless in this world when we have so much to offer. Of course, I'd love to be spoiling Korbin right now instead, but I can't make that happen. So, because I'm so driven to do something baby related (this drive goes hand in hand with that aching arms feeling), I decided giving to babies in need was the answer. My plan each Christmas-time is to give to a child in need at the age Korbin would be if he were still here. Newborn to six months this year, one year old next year, two years old in 2014, etc.
What I didn't expect was how emotional this process would make me feel. At Target, I had trouble holding back my tears as we picked out clothes. And it just really got to me when Ryan pointed out I wasn't picking up the diapers or wipes that are more natural and without harsh chemicals, like I was so paranoid about when planning for Korbin's arrival. I almost felt compelled to tell the lady at the register why I probably looked distraught buying so many baby items. And by the time I dropped things off at Sophia Way I think I'd gone numb. My self-protection mode kicking into high gear. After the drop off, I got a bit shaky and anxious feeling. I'd been feeling anxiety just at the thought of walking through the baby aisle, and I think it just had to finally really get out of my system before I could relax knowing I was done.
These things are so much easier thought and planned out than actually done. But I did it, and thankfully with Ryan by my side.
I got a lotta love to give.