Journaling

Six months ago today I was given a journal. To write everything I thought and felt about the sudden birth, and even more sudden death, of Korbin. I wrote in that journal every night for a while, pouring my broken heart out on paper just to get the grief out. Writing starts the tears which need to fall because their falling brings a sense of relief, even if just for the night.
About two months later I began to blog what I would journal, which then switched to solely blogging as I was writing the something twice. There was no need to go through the same emotions multiple times each day. It's hard enough the first time around!
Now when I think back to the journal and how I began writing in it, I realize that I was essentially writing to Korbin every night. Telling him how much I love and miss him, seriously wishing I'd go to sleep and wake up to him alive and well inside me still. I read that writing a letter to my baby can help ease the pain. I think I wrote close to sixty extremely heartfelt letters. My letters to Korbin hold a pain so intense I haven't been able to even look at the journal since. I know what's in it, the love mingled with such agony. Though my heart still hurts the same, I am now managing my pain thanks in part to my blogging.
I lost a piece of myself when I lost him, a piece I don't think I can ever get back. A piece I can't even put into words to explain. Even with all my blogging there's still something so deep within my heart I haven't even reached it yet.
Six months ago today my heart broke. I'd never known a loss that cuts so deep. Six months ago today an angel was born, and forever in my heart he'll stay. Though my heart is filled with sorrow, it's also filled with the love I have for Korbin. And through all of this, somewhere deep within, I still got a lotta love to give.