I have heard this countless times from people I know. And it frustrates me to no end. Especially when they are comparing a miscarriage to having a baby who then dies shortly after birth. Now, I don't want to discredit the loss a person feels when they have a miscarriage, but it is certainly not how I feel having lost Korbin.
I can't stop dwelling on this after what was discussed in my support group last night. Another mom brought it up. And I joined in as it really does bother me, and I felt I still needed to vent apparently. I was saying that I want to tell these people who know exactly how I feel that no, they don't. They didn't hold a baby and then have a nurse ask if they were ready to let go for forever.
At this point the facilitator stepped in to say that we should all recognize that a loss is a loss, miscarriage or not. They are different but we need to remember that the new people in the group haven't spoken so we don't know their stories yet. The first mom and I agreed that ya, definitely we are not trying to say that someone who has experienced a miscarriage hasn't experienced a loss.
Well, guess what the two new couples in the room were there for: miscarriages. Of course. Now my words of venting frustration were just incredibly harsh, and very unfeeling. I felt awful. The first mom and I of course tried to over talk afterwards, but we were so perplexed to learn that these couples' miscarriages were at 18 and 17 weeks. That is so far along! I can't imagine what they are feeling. And especially after what the first mom and I vented about.
I spoke with the facilitator after group was over and she was so great, saying I shouldn't feel bad for what I said. She felt the same way. It's what group is for. I just hope the first mom and I didn't scare away these new couples. I also felt for them when the facilitator asked for everyone to share baby pictures if they have them. I don't think they got to have that opportunity with how a loss before 20weeks is handled.
I guess I need to be careful how I vent in group, making sure I hear everyone out before possibly targeting a group who is still very much included. I want to think I can go there to get out what no one else will understand. But last night I definitely did not sound caring toward those around me, so I need to be better at showing that I got a lotta love to give.
I can't stop dwelling on this after what was discussed in my support group last night. Another mom brought it up. And I joined in as it really does bother me, and I felt I still needed to vent apparently. I was saying that I want to tell these people who know exactly how I feel that no, they don't. They didn't hold a baby and then have a nurse ask if they were ready to let go for forever.
At this point the facilitator stepped in to say that we should all recognize that a loss is a loss, miscarriage or not. They are different but we need to remember that the new people in the group haven't spoken so we don't know their stories yet. The first mom and I agreed that ya, definitely we are not trying to say that someone who has experienced a miscarriage hasn't experienced a loss.
Well, guess what the two new couples in the room were there for: miscarriages. Of course. Now my words of venting frustration were just incredibly harsh, and very unfeeling. I felt awful. The first mom and I of course tried to over talk afterwards, but we were so perplexed to learn that these couples' miscarriages were at 18 and 17 weeks. That is so far along! I can't imagine what they are feeling. And especially after what the first mom and I vented about.
I spoke with the facilitator after group was over and she was so great, saying I shouldn't feel bad for what I said. She felt the same way. It's what group is for. I just hope the first mom and I didn't scare away these new couples. I also felt for them when the facilitator asked for everyone to share baby pictures if they have them. I don't think they got to have that opportunity with how a loss before 20weeks is handled.
I guess I need to be careful how I vent in group, making sure I hear everyone out before possibly targeting a group who is still very much included. I want to think I can go there to get out what no one else will understand. But last night I definitely did not sound caring toward those around me, so I need to be better at showing that I got a lotta love to give.
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