My arms ache to hold my baby. To cradle him and rock him, feel his weight in my arms. Sometimes I still become completely overwhelmed by my grief, finding myself suddenly in a state of disbelief that he's gone. That he's still gone. There are moments when I really think it didn't happen and I have this amazing, happy vision of the three of us. And it breaks my heart to wake up from the momentary day dream to reality.
My dearest friend sent me a link with info on joining the group Cuddle Babies at Swedish. Volunteers hold babies and interact with children who are waiting for their parents or have extended hospital stays. She saw a couple who had a loss at 18weeks and that's what the father did in memory of his son.
While I see it as a beautiful thing to do, I'm not sure my poor broken heart can take it right now. I don't think I'm strong enough to hold someone else's baby and be okay still. I haven't even held my friend's new baby, even though I want to. Right now it feels like a punch to my gut, because I held Korbin, and I will myself back to that moment all the time. And it feels like I would be cheating on him in a way.
Maybe in time I can do something like this. I just don't have the strength or the courage right now. But I do so appreciate my friend giving me the opportunity to even just consider this, as it's an amazing gift a person can give to a child being hospitalized.
As she put it, Korbin would want me to give back, and share my energy, hope and touch with other babies. Because I got a lotta love to give.
My dearest friend sent me a link with info on joining the group Cuddle Babies at Swedish. Volunteers hold babies and interact with children who are waiting for their parents or have extended hospital stays. She saw a couple who had a loss at 18weeks and that's what the father did in memory of his son.
While I see it as a beautiful thing to do, I'm not sure my poor broken heart can take it right now. I don't think I'm strong enough to hold someone else's baby and be okay still. I haven't even held my friend's new baby, even though I want to. Right now it feels like a punch to my gut, because I held Korbin, and I will myself back to that moment all the time. And it feels like I would be cheating on him in a way.
Maybe in time I can do something like this. I just don't have the strength or the courage right now. But I do so appreciate my friend giving me the opportunity to even just consider this, as it's an amazing gift a person can give to a child being hospitalized.
As she put it, Korbin would want me to give back, and share my energy, hope and touch with other babies. Because I got a lotta love to give.
:*)
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