Aren't you excited?!?

Nope, at least, not any more.
Before losing Korbin I was so freaking excited about life I could hardly stand it. Now that's gone.
I used to be the one who would get excited over the tiniest of things: getting mail (even bills!), having dinner with friends, seeing Ry after work, then getting pregnant, and then dreaming of life with Korbin. Life had always been so full of things to be excited about.
Then Korbin came too soon and was gone before we even had time to realize what had happened. All of that mounting excitement ripped from us, stolen by fate.
I can remember asking Ryan at the end of June if he was excited about something with work. He said 'no' kind of like 'um, duh I'm not excited.' Of course, as soon as the words had left my mouth I knew it was a dumb question. I'm not excited about anything any more, why should Ryan be?
Now it feels like there's nothing to be excited about in life. It all feels like 'ya, whatever, whoopty do.'
Except I think I felt a twinge of excitement last Tuesday as I thought about my upcoming trip to CO to see my mom and Joe. We had so much to look forward to, but there was that fleeting moment of a flutter in my stomachs of excitement.
But besides that, all I seem to have is just things to look forward to. I'm trying to remember I still have Ry, family, friends. Plans and good things happening career-wise. And yet it's all just kind of there. I feel mostly lost still, and I'd be completely lost if it weren't for Ry and his pushing me to keep going.
I guess that's all I can expect still, to simply keep going right now, because I got a lotta love to give.