I swear, someone is pregnant in all of our favorite TV shows. Pregnancy is everywhere!! Even commercials with the I-want-a-baby-now-I-get-one-because-the-test-is-positive crap. Ya, I'm still bitter. But I'm bitter because I've tasted reality now. Not every positive equals a baby. And it makes me sad that I think that way too. Losing Korbin has essentially stolen my hope. Maybe it will someday return, just not right now.
On that note, and here is a spoiler alert if you are watching Walking Dead but haven't seen the third season opener yet, I had forgotten Lori was pregnant and there she appeared with her big belly. One, it looked too fake to be passable as a baby belly. And two, when she said she thought she lost the baby and asked whether it could be a zombie now since they are all infected...I chuckled. Part of me was like, good, someone else losing a baby. This totally plays into how isolated I feel amongst friends, family, even coworkers, now that I have lost a baby. Only those in my support group know in a way how I feel every day. Understand that this is my new normal. While some friends don't get and don't seem to want to get it either.
I have friends who announce they are trying, then show the positive test to the world. And it makes me bitter, even to a point of wishing awful things for them just so that they know the reality that I know. Why does it have to be so easy for some, and so incredibly scary and difficult for others?
I hope the bitterness goes away soon, because deep down I got a lotta love to give.
I know I have a baby now, but there was a long time when I saw the TV ads and pregnant people everywhere and I just felt resentful. For a years I thought I might never be able to get pregnant, and when I did have a positive pregnancy test, my symptoms all indicated miscarriage, so there was never any rejoicing. It was like that for several months, then my body was more stable, but my fear of pregnancy loss never went away. I too feel angry in a way when the whole process is easy for people. I don't know if the bitterness will go away, but please be hopeful that good things will come to good people (like you). It will work out...it just might be a long tough road. <3
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