About A Year Ago Today

I saw the most amazing thing I think I had ever seen: Korbin's heartbeat. Getting to this point after having a positive pregnancy test was a little rocky as what I had calculated as six weeks from my LMP was pretty far off from what his measurements were showing. I had an ultrasound the previous week and panicked slightly that I wasn't over six weeks yet. But, my cycles have always been irregular, so I never actually know when I'm ovulating, and therefore can't go off of my LMP for dates. If they were regular, I would have been due September 6th, a whole ten days difference!
I remember seeing the movement of his heartbeat and thinking, 'oh my God, I'm going to have a baby.' And it was like I knew this was happening for a fact, and nothing else could change that. Even though I also know that miscarriage is still a strong possibility until you get through the first 12 weeks, I couldn't think of anything else but the fact that I was having this baby at the time. Maybe naive, and lacking a bit of reality now that I look back on it. But an amazing feeling nonetheless.
It's such an amazing video to have now. I had wanted to record the sound of his heart beat too, and was planning on asking Dr. Pray at my 24 week appointment to let me get my phone out while we listened real quick. Unfortunately, that became the last thing I was worried about as I went in to that fateful appointment. I think that's why this video is so hard for me to watch now. I treasure the fact that I have it. But, like the pictures we have of him from after he was born, it's too painful to look at still.

I got a lotta love to give.