Where am I

The past couple of weeks have felt pretty rough emotionally. And, as I've been trying to put a more positive spin on my writing here, I haven't felt any positive energy to write at all. Where am I now? Sad, bitter, frustrated, heart-broken, empty, alone.... The list goes on. What got me back to this point? A commercial for Mother's Day. It brought me to tears, and left me feeling so deprived of what (who) I want and need here with me and with Ryan that my still fragile emotional state took a nose dive.
A year ago I was so happy and excited as my first Mother's Day approached. I received two beautiful cards, from one of my sisters and my best friend, which surprised me as so many don't recognize a pregnant woman as a mother, but simply a mother-to-be. Maybe that's what's wrong with society and why bereaved parents like myself are ignored. We were simply parents-to-be and so were never actually recognized as parents. I know some who see this about myself, and about Ryan. Someday we'll be parents, but we aren't there yet. And that is so incredibly frustrating, it honestly drives me crazy.
Thankfully I have surrounded my Facebook presence with as many support-filled groups as I can find; Tears, PS, Angel Gowns and many others. When I check my news feed, I see uplifting articles and statements of love and recognition that I think friends and family have deep down inside to say but find it so difficult to actually say out loud. One group posted an article that really spoke to me and my current state: Healing Mother's Day
http://stillstandingmag.com/2013/04/healing-mothers-day/
I learned that Mother's Day was created to honor a bereaved mother who had experienced many losses. How has this day morphed to now forget and ignore those it originally sought to uplift? When did society start forgetting the real meaning of Mother's Day? Maybe Hallmark had something to do with it, but we don't need to go into why I hate card shopping and what I think they are taking away from every event and feeling in life. That's a rant for a different blog.
There's a quote I think I'll put up on my chalk board in the kitchen so that I see it every day:
“A Mother is not defined by the number of children you see, but by the love that she holds in her heart.” – Franchesca Cox
Even I need to remind myself of this because the lack of recognition from society is honestly so oppressive it can make even me forget at times.
But I am a mother, with a heart overflowing with love, and I got a lotta love to give.