Woe is Me

I definitely feel like the average reader of my blog must be so over how down my posts are. And why would anyone want to keep reading that? Unless, of course, they are dealing with a devastating loss as well. But still, my posts all end up being so woe is me, which honestly bugs me too.
I'm going to tell a story about my past, but please don't judge me. In middle school I had a friend who was a great person, but she had a lot of emotional issues she was trying to work through. She didn't have a great home life, she smoked, and she had psoriasis that she was always trying to cover up. We hung out all the time, and over time she would tell me about her problems over and over and over again. I wanted so much to be the best positive influence I could be, by being encouraging, offering alternatives to anything she felt was a problem. I even researched medications and new treatments and cost comparisons for her psoriasis. But it was like she never listened to me. She hated smoking and hiding it, but would never quit. And then the nightmares started. I started losing sleep. And then I 'broke up' with her. I just couldn't handle the constant negativity any longer.
Why did I tell that story? Because I don't want to be that girl from middle school who was just always down and never tried to do better. I guess I do try, by throwing myself into work, studying for my certification, doing yard work and even fixing the house still. But I feel like my blog doesn't show for it. Maybe because this is where I let out what's deep down inside that I try to keep down so I can get through the day without an emotional breakdown. There are triggers constantly throughout the day, and it takes so much strength and energy to not let them bring me down. But sometimes they do get the better of me, and that's when I blog most.
So, I'd like to try something new to add to this blog. I have my 'A Year Ago Today' posts that are important for memorializing Korbin. But I'd like to add 'What Makes Me Happy' posts to try and lighten things up a bit. In reading my self help books, I've learned that I seriously have to choose happiness, to survive losing Korbin. It really is so easy to let my broken heart take over and make me crumple to a sobbing mess curled up in the fetal position on the couch. But maybe if I focus on some of the things I do to fill my days that make me happy, it will help me too.
This will be an interesting experiment. And maybe it will help me really know that deep down I still got a lotta love to give.