Make room at the table

Today a coworker told me something she's noticed in me that I honestly needed to hear from someone on the outside. She said that I appear okay, better maybe. Not like I'm 100% fine like nothing happened, but just better than the past year. She emphasized that she understands I'll never be free of my grief completely. And I think she was completely sincere in saying what she's noticed.

It was nice to be able to talk with someone about my grief outside of support group. And I realized I don't generally do that now, talk about how I'm really doing outside of that setting where everyone present is going through mostly the same thing. On the outside, it's easy to tell that people want to stay away from that topic. Maybe they feel as though they're tip-toeing around the subject, sometimes dangerously close to the edge of where okay conversation ends and sad topics begin. Sometimes I push them into it, force them to listen. But usually I let them slip by, which kind of hurts more than if we'd just had the talk instead of ignoring it. 

Today's talk was so refreshing!

As we chatted, I mentioned that in group we acknowledge that our pain never fades or leaves, we just learn how to deal with it and continue functioning. My coworker then said that I've made room at the table for my grief. I'd never heard this saying before, but it's so true. You have happiness, joy, love, grief and sadness and any others that all need a place at your table. They all need recognition and to have their own moments to talk, like friends gathered round a table in conversation. This means I acknowledge my grief as ever present, and understand that I need to allow myself moments to grieve, but that I also don't have to focus on just grief all the time.

I've come a long way in my grief journey, but I still have so far to go. A lifetime of learning.

I got a lotta love to give.