Happy Birthday Baby Love, My Baby Love

Well, we've survived a whole entire year. It's weird and heart breaking and relieving all at the same time in that, yes, we can survive this, but oh my god it's been an entire year already without my precious Baby Love.

Thankfully June 1st came and went somewhat peacefully. I planned a perennial planting party for Korbin's first birthday, inviting many of the close family and friends who have been particularly strong, loving and supportive to Ryan and me. Each one brought a perennial to plant in our garden in Korbin's honor. These plants will bloom and grow year after year, and I can take care of them and think of Korbin while doing so. My cousin took loads of pictures, but these are just a few to share.

The support and love was amazing to feel and see. And I was told more than once that I am such a good mom to remember Korbin so. I don't think people realize what saying that out loud means to me. When I feel I'm being weird about my loss, like my pain and response to things is absurd, this simple sentence is such a relief to hear.

The day ended up absolutely beautiful, and I was even sweating out in the sun. I cried a little, and felt overwhelmed, but people jumped right in to help dig and place the plants in their new homes.

The result is just stunning in my eyes. And I still have planting to do! I just keep thinking about it, and it makes me smile, though the feeling is bittersweet.

Happy Birthday Baby Love, My Baby Love. I will always miss you. But because of you I know the depth of my love for my family and friends. Thank you.

I got a lotta love to give.