Last night, for just one of many many examples, we decided to venture out to a new car group meet up. A whole new group of fresh faces welcomed us. And then one of the couples announced they're 3mo pregnant and having a kid. Another couple brought their new puppy, and the preggo couple said, 'ya, so, you got a puppy, we got a kid, we win.' I almost said, 'you don't know that!' Yup, major tongue biting moment. They wanted to show everyone their ultrasound pictures and told us all how their kid has hair and fingernails now.
I closed in, and ignored them the rest of the night. And later I realized that I'm not angry about these people having a baby. But I am oh so jealous. They are excited and so naive to the horrible possibilities that some have to go through just to bring one child home.
Now I wonder if I should tell our story to everyone we meet. I didn't last night because all that would do is completely freak them out. I can't do that to them, when they are so happy. I remember that feeling. It was absolutely amazing. I seriously thought I was on top of the world and nothing could bring me down. Boy was I wrong. So jealous and cold-looking I stay.
The mom(-to-be? Do I consider her that or a mom like me?) commented that she hoped they hadn't scared us away. Great, my cold-shoulder was totally felt. Not what i had wanted. So I congratulated them on the way out. Because despite the jealousy and pain it evokes, I still got a lotta love to give.
P.S. In writing this I totally sang that song, 'I'm a bitch, I'm a lover, I'm a child, I'm a mother...' to myself in my head.... I guess I'm also a big dork.
We can be dorks together because that song was the first thing that popped into my head when I saw the post title.
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