Tuesday, March 5, 2013

I'm Over It

Similac got my info and keeps sending me welcome to motherhood gifts and coupons. At first I thought I was strong enough to take these things I sadly do not need to think about and turn them into something good for someone in real need. Donating formula and bottles, coupons. Maybe I was strong enough at first, but now I am so over it.
Especially after receiving a survey today about my child's birth and what we feed him and how often. This probably wasn't very big of me, but I filled out the date, Korbin's birthday, checked the boxes indicating he was born at less than 28weeks and weighed less than 5lbs. But when they asked for the zip code for his doctor, I simply wrote, 'he died two hours after birth.'
AKA, stop sending me crap. Seriously, I am so over it. I don't need the constant reminder of what was supposed to be. And how does one get Jisa Jove from Lisa Love? Seriously just irritating now.
And the worst part, I am not strong enough to call them up and tell them why I don't want their items. It just sucks, but I honestly can't say it out loud over the phone. It was hard enough when the cord blood people starting hounding me, and continued to hound me even after I told them my baby had died shortly after birth. Not supportive, or sympathetic, or kind.
I hate these tough situations. They make me feel like I'm mean because I'm not doing something good with the items or acting like the bigger person any more. I'm not a mean person, I just want the difficult reminders to go away.
Because, really, I got a lotta love to give.

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