Ps first Christmas

This year was our first Christmas with a child with us. One would think, oh that must be just so fun and exciting! Yes, the holiday season leading up to Christmas was good, but Christmas Day was still so hard!

It was hard to get into the Christmas spirit, and making myself do things like shop for others and decorate and bake definitely helped, but a part of me just gets so down this time of year. It's really hard to ignore that piece of me (Korbin) and just be happy. And that sounds so ungrateful! I am seriously so thankful for P, so happy to have him and hold him and love him here with us. But I still miss K, and I know I always will.

There's a Mariah Carey song, I miss you most at Christmastime, that just pulls at my heart strings and brings me so close to tears every time I hear it. And of course it's played a ton this time of year.

I just try my hardest to get into the holiday spirit. The build up to Christmas is the best part, and Christmas Day has become almost a let down now. I honestly thought this year with P would be totally different. I expected it to be. But it still felt the same, somewhat empty with a major piece missing. This is something I'm going to have to overcome as the years go by. If not for me but for P. I need to be present and happy with and for P.

Because I got a lotta love to give.

First Fever

P woke up today, the day after Christmas, with his first fever. It wasn't so bad at first, but it jumped mid day to almost 102, and that's when I started to worry. But I think we did a good job of not over reacting and keeping things under control for our littlest man.

We called the pediatrician, who said it was a good sign he had a cough (never thought I'd be grateful for a cough!) as otherwise solely having a fever could mean something more serious like an ear infection or UTI. Thankfulky P slept a lot with the Tylenol, but when he wasn't sleeping he was pretty fussy (though you wouldn't know it from this picture).

Later on he definitely wasn't feeling well:

Poor guy! It's hard having a sick little man, knowing he's so uncomfortable and there's only so much we can do for him.

I hope he feels better soon! Until then I'll keep doing my best to not panic and just take good care of my sick little man.

Because I got a lotta love to give.

Merry Christmas Korbin!

Today we dropped off a bunch of gifts for an almost 2yo little boy with OI (brittle bone disease). I think this was the first time I really felt excited for Christmas, and it was mostly from being able to give to someone in need. And for giving in Korbin's memory.

I had fun shopping for this little kiddo and wrapping everything up:

Things he needs, and fun toys he wants.

This year felt different, I think because we have Parker now. After dropping everything off, I had this incredible urge to just hold Parker. I couldn't wait to get to him and get him home.

I love continuing to do this in Korbin's memory, and this time it's made me so grateful for P, even more so now.

Because I got a lotta love to give.

3/4 of a Year

Time is flying! (Do I say that with every monthly P update?!) And Parker continues to amaze me with how much he's developing and keeping up with other kiddo's his age (rather than adjusted age of only 7.5mo). I believe his eye color has settled now; a beautiful shade of brown with the occasional flecks of deep blue around the edges.

He makes so many sounds with his tongue now, clucking and raspberries galore. He also figured out how to make sounds by saying something while patting his mouth with the back of one of his hands. Adorable! And so smart.

 He seems to genuinely smile so much more now, and laughs and giggles often. Even after telling his own babbling jokes! So hilarious to see and hear! And he started bowing his head and smiling now, almost in a shy way when seeing someone new, even doing some head banging if he's been crawling around on the floor. 

As for crawling: he still army crawls. But boy does he move! He can almost completely pull himself up to sitting on his own, and almost pulls himself up to standing.

While he becomes more independent (Ryan developed the two spoon method when feeding P: P has his own spoon to 'eat' with while we feed him) with things like holding his bottle himself, he's started to want dad more after daycare. He raises his arms to ask to be picked up, and we can almost have conversations with how much he babbles now.

As for food, he has tried so many things this past month! He loves eggs in the morning and always gets a few bites from my plate. Other foods he enjoys are sweet potatoes, peas, butternut squash and pears. He liked applesauce and bananas, but they did not like him back (his poor butt!). And pumpkin pie was just too much and made him throw up almost immediately.

I'm having more and more fun introducing foods to him. And just so love that we are still nursing! I love the bond we continue to build with that, and need it after all we went through to have him here with us.

Because I got a lotta love to give.

Funk

I suddenly feel like I'm in a funk. Thanksgiving came and went (finally) and I immediately set to work decorating the house and planning all of our holiday shopping and activities. But it's as if I'm just going through the motions and my heart's not fully in it.

This should be an exciting Christmas. Our first one with Parker! But instead I'm just feeling bluesy and really missing K. This just makes me want every moment possible with P, but work feels like it is getting in the way of that. I guess I haven't been fully enjoying my job as of late. It's busy and stressful right now, and I just want to be at home with my little man. Holding him, reading to him, cooking and baking, doing all of the artsy projects that pop into my head on a daily basis.

Life is a bit of a struggle at the moment. Hopefully forcing my way through the holidays will pull me up and out of it. Because there's so much to enjoy with P.

And I got a lotta love to give.