All week long I've been tossing and turning from about 2am on with the worst stomach cramps ever, and my body just wants to rid itself of anything that comes its way. I couldn't figure out what was wrong with me until I received a message from my stepmom yesterday that reduced me to tears as she cried into the phone. She said she misses Korbin too, and that she knows how long it's been, 12weeks this Friday, since we lost him. It hit me. My body is going into repeat of June 1st. Every freaking day this week. It's Groundhog's Day from Hell. And oh so cruel. I finally told one of my coworkers as she kept asking if I thought I had a virus or something else. She understood what I was trying to say as I began to cry and break down a bit in front of her and didn't need any further explanation. It sucks. It really fucking sucks. And it's not fair and it's not supposed to be how life is for Ryan and me. We're supposed to be happy and getting ready for Korbin. Instead, 12weeks ago today I left work the happiest I have ever been in my life. We finished Korbin's Babies R Us registry. And then June 1st came. I've been in such a time warp. Last memories being of myself pregnant as if trying to block out what happened, yet holding onto my memories of Korbin with us so desperately too. It's an emotional roller coaster.
I just want my baby back. Because I got a lotta love to give.
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