Recognition

Tonight a coworker exclaimed as we were leaving a BBQ early, "oh, you don't have any kids!"
Really? I'm pretty sure she knows everything I just went through, sent food and cards. And then to say that!? It really sucks. I am a mom. But I don't get to be a mom. Therefore, to the outside world, I'm not a mom. And that really hurts. 
What I really wanted to say in response was, "Ya, he may not be here with us but we still had a kid."
But in the moment I stopped myself. I know people aren't trying to say hurtful things, but that doesn't make them hurt any less. The hot knife still rips into my heart with each comment like the one above.
You know, I'd love to have to worry about someone besides myself. I'd give anything to have to buy diapers, worry about whether my child is getting the healthiest food possible, finding a sitter for a random night out, or whether we can afford everything we want for our child. I would give anything to have those thoughts and concerns. To not have time for anything because I have to care for my child. 
I feel like I am too efficient now. I get a chore done and then I wonder, now what? What do I do with myself for the next chunk of time till there's a meal to prepare or another chore pops up? I should be caring for a child, wondering how much sleep I'll hopefully get, and whether I've gotten enough laundry done for the family.
It really, really sucks. I don't get to be a mom. But I am a mom.
I got a lotta love to give.