Energy

Throughout the past few (okay, four and a half) years, my energy levels have seriously dipped. Early on it was just the excuse of not getting enough sleep because, hey, every new mom understands that. Then it was that I was staying up late to do the things I wanted to do but didn't have time during the regular day; you know, trying to find myself again. Lately though, I've been getting to bed at a reasonable hour, sleeping hard most nights, napping, exercising semi-regularly. So why am I so tired?

Oh yeah, I do a lot.

A. LOT.

This seriously just dawned on me today. I pack as much as I possibly can in to my days because there is so much I want to do. Gardening, fixing things, refinishing old furniture, painting for fun and painting to update rooms, cleaning, cooking from scratch each evening and prepping lunches, reading, keeping up (kind of) with our favorite TV shows, making plans with friends, attempting to write more often, instagraming, work, commuting, taking care of my husband and my four year old, puppies, chickens, sketching, sewing, planning outdoor adventures for the family, traveling. Life. It really never dawned on me that I'm tired because I'm so busy. Most days I feel like there's just so much, and nothing is really being touched. In reality, I'm doing so much, just not necessarily the fun things I want to focus on all the time.

It all boils down to balance, and making sure that fulfilled feeling is felt daily, whether from reading an interesting article I had saved weeks prior, painting for half an hour, or getting a quick work out in. These things all make me who I am now, even if most of them are barely touched for large chunks of time. In finding the right balance, one has to prioritize what needs to happen now with what would be really great to have happen at any point during that day. During the less-than-balanced days, the tired feeling definitely creeps up more. And sometimes there are less-than-balanced periods of time that last for weeks, or even a month or two, at a time. I realized today that it's during these long durations that I feel more tired and therefore less fulfilled.

Time to restructure, refocus, and carve out the small chunks of time I need to be me through all the craziness that is life and it's overly scheduled madness. Making sure each day has even just one of the extra things I love fills me with the joy and excitement to power me through the day, an insatiable internal energy that is only satisfied once I've painted, or sewed, or been in the garden pulling weeds, even if only for 15 minutes.

I love this life we're living now, and feel as if am better better able to give to and care for others when feeling fulfilled.

Time to paint!

Because I've got a lotta love to give.

Chill

At times, when life is overwhelming and flying by (wait, isn't that all the time?!), one would not know how obsessive I am about keeping things together and organized. Currently there are a few piles about the house: magazines for a quiet afternoon (yeah right), Seven's vet bills and pill schedules (I made calendars with time stamps for each med he's on so we know what he needs to take, how many, and exactly when), bills to pay, and even just general paperwork to look at and then toss. Seriously though, I am forever reorganizing things; life, work, none of it is ever perfectly organized. While there is a joy that comes with this obsession, there is also a load of stress and anxiety as well.
Keeping things tidy includes keeping shoes and clothes, accessories, free of lint and even specks of dust. Imagine my horror when an employee at a grocery store swiped my white leather purse with his permanent marker. Thankfully I was able to send the purse in to Coach to have it tidied up. But whew boy, I was livid.
Shoes get dirty. I mean, you walk around in them and they protect your feet from getting wet and dirty. But if my shoes get dirty, I panic. My grey Vans slip ons had a branch fall on the top while at the Seattle Center for Brick Con earlier this year and the small bit of a brown mark it left almost made my head explode. Ryan, who's even more obsessive about keeping things tidy that I am, just said, "meh, shoes get dirty." Seriously Mr. Clean. [insert side eye here]
Basically, if things get out of order, get dirty, get messy, I am thrown off and my head might just explode. This is really awesome when there's a kid in the mix. It has been such a learning curve, like, seriously steep! Trying to remain calm when a four year old is just being a four year old is my daily challenge. Well, one of them at least. And yet, tonight, P wiped my new pants (that I spent too much on) with his chocolate covered ice cream cone, leaving a brown swipe just above the knee. After dinner I asked him to keep his hands to himself as the fried lumpia left his hands super greasy. He touched my pants and left a grease mark. Typically, I would have a mini flip out episode. But I'm realizing lately that I just need to chill. We all just need to chill. I can wash the pants. They are just clothes that will get worn and worn down eventually. Life is too short. And there's so much more to life that being spotless. Life is messy. And that's what makes it interesting.
Here's to letting things get a bit more messy and not freaking out about it constantly.
Because I got a lotta love to give.