Totally sucks. I worked hard, hoped and prayed my little heart out...and I didn't get in.
Let's be honest here, I'm not happy. I am a bit on the depressed side. So I'm ignoring how I really feel at the moment to try and buck up and enjoy the things happening right now in my life. But is that a good thing?
I tried just diving right back into the reapplication process (yes, I am DEFINITELY reapplying), but after looking over five schools I suddenly felt overwhelmed with sadness and started crying. This part of the application process stressed me out for months last year and I was so relieved to finally have picked my final 15...and now I have to do that all over again in a short two month span. I'm stressed, and bummed out, and really trying my hardest to not feel like a failure.
But I do feel like a failure at this point. Deep down, I hoped I was good enough to get in the first time around. I received two interview invites, and thought the second one at least went pretty well. I was so excited about the future. And now it's being pushed back further and I have to wait longer.
I just somehow have to figure out how to use this energy for driving myself through this again. I know how badly I want this, and it will happen because it is my dream.
There is a silver lining. I am being promoted to laboratory supervisor at my work. I am excited about that as it will be a fantastic exerience and allow me to really use my take charge capabilities. I want to be making more decisions in the lab, and know more of what's going and have more control of certain aspects of it. Here's my chance.
Also, we can do some traveling this year. We've already planned our trip to Japan this summer.
So, yes, extremely sad with the current situation, but I cannot and will not let myself be deterred from my dreams. I just need to work harder and show them all how much I want this. I can't let anything stand in my way. Because I have a lotta love to give.
