Exhausted

Well, we're in the hospital again. Thankfully just for observation because the docs are erring on the side of caution. But trying to squeak out another couple weeks is going to be exhausting.

This morning I woke up somewhat excited. We're at 32weeks today, the goal perinatology originally set as a good week to try to get to. My weekly belly shot:

Still pregnant, still kicking and moving. Today was going to be a good day.

My check-ups were first thing this morning, and then I was going to go to work, and then return again on Thursday for my next check-up as scheduled.

Except the NST today had some hiccups. Baby Boy 2s heart rate had a few moments of dipping way down, and then it stayed quite low after a random contraction. He also was moving and kicking and showing accelerated heart rates, which is good. But because we've done two IUTs by now, we can no longer assume that the dips in his heart rate are just like any other normal baby's at this age. It could mean the umbilical cord is having issues from being punctured twice now. Ya, that freaked me out. Big time.

I was immediately admitted to the hospital for more monitoring that lasted another four hours or so. Of course, once admitted, Baby Boy 2 no longer had any dips in his heart rate, even during the four contractions I had in one hour (of which I think I felt one...maybe). So really, the little guy is doing great and there's nothing to be concerned about. And I'm so grateful he's actually just fine and there's nothing to worry about in this moment.

This is all part of the process. All part of Baby Boy 2s story of how he came into this world. And it is exhausting. The constant worry and intense emotional moments when something unexpected turns up, it weighs one down after a while. And I am being worn down. I am really feeling it now.

I confessed to one of the doctors today that I don't feel sick, but I'm definitely starting to feel exhausted. He kind of just said 'ya' like, of course you are by now. I guess it's to be expected with everything being thrown our way. I just wish this wasn't the exhausting journey it's become. And honestly, I get angry sometimes because the majority of this is completely preventable and should not be a concern for us whatsoever.

I'm most definitely not done. We've got two more weeks to push through now, and I'm in, whatever it takes.

Because we got a lotta love to give.