At least I'm not on bed rest

After 24 hours of monitoring Monday, the team decided I should stay another 48 for continued monitoring. Part of me is really totally fine with this plan as I'm in the best place possible in case something happens, or needs to happen. But it is also a very frustrating experience at the same time.

First off, I went straight from a check-up to the hospital. No packing, no last minute good bye to the puppy dogs. Each day I have a list of things for Ryan to pack and bring for me. From clean clothes to my toothbrush to a decent book to occupy my mind. I was prepared for work on Monday, not four days in the hospital.

Thankfully, my main doc on my case gave me permission to walk to work. It's connected to the hospital, and really just a five minute walk away. And I'm not on any sort of bed rest. All the monitoring is of Baby Boy 2 specifically, not necessarily my body, despite the occasional contractions.

That being said, I did go to a support group today for moms on hospital stay till delivery, aka antepartem. Of the four of us currently in the hospital, one is on strict bed rest, and has to be wheeled around if she leaves her bed. The others may be ambulatory, but they can't stray as far as I've been given permission to stray. And one has already been here six weeks. Yikes.

First, I'm so thankful I can get up and wander within the confines of the hospital (my work included). Second, I have only been here since Monday, and my stay will (hopefully) be quite short. The plan is to be discharged tomorrow if the ultrasound results are normal compared to Tuesday's where the little guy's Doppler was pretty high. If, however, his Doppler remains high, we're looking at pushing up delivery, maybe even to this weekend.

Holy crap! I'm excited to think that we've come so far, we've hit so many milestones. But I also really wanted to get to 34 weeks. Getting that far would completely change how delivery goes and how much I can see him before he's whisked away to the NICU. Any sooner and it's pretty much gauranteeed that he'll be checked in the OR but then taken away to the NICU immediately, with only Ryan able to follow as I'll still need to recover before I can make it over to see him.

Of course, Baby Boy 2s well being is what's most important. And, as one mom pointed out today during the support group meeting, there comes a point when the body is no longer doing what it needs to, and the little guy will be so much better off out than in. I said that this is a really hard thing for me to come to terms with after having already lost Korbin to prematurity. No matter how many mile stones we hit, I don't think any time preterm is going to be good enough in my mind. I'm so grateful we've come so far, and that odds are better and better, even with each passing day now. But I just want to keep pushing a little further. Another day, another week. Whatever the little guy can squeak out and still be doing just fine in my belly versus out.

So, these past few days have been rough. It's not a vacation. I don't have my daily routine any more. My husband to sleep beside me. My puppy dogs to keep me entertained. There is only so much Facebook, Pinterest, and crap TV that can happen in a day. But I'll keep pushing as long as Baby Boy 2's doing well enough to go another day or even another week.

Because we got a lotta love to give.