What's in a Name

I love the story of how Parker's name came to be. And I absolutely love his name! Yet, I find myself rarely using his name when speaking to him. Instead, we call him a whole host of cutesy nicknames. This is odd for me as I've never been one to come up with nicknames for others. Even Ryan is only Ryan to me (while he has so many nicknames for me I don't even remember what he's come up with at the moment).
Anyway, when I was probably about 16weeks pregnant, we went to the aquarium to just walk around for a bit. Ryan had come home recently with the most perfect name, Parker, and all other options he had mentioned were just gone (and I'd hated every one of them too, so this one really stuck and I was attached to it immediately). At the time, I could have sworn Baby Love 2 was a girl. Everything felt so different, this one just had to be. Well, while walking around the aquarium that day, we heard a parent call out, "Korbin, come here!" And a little boy went running. I smiled, just thinking about Korbin. Then, we heard, "Parker, come here!" And again, a little boy went running. Ryan and I just looked at each other wondering, 'did you just hear/see that?!?' Of course, we found out just a few weeks later Parker was a boy and most definitely not a girl. But that was it, that name stuck. And so began my chats with Parker in utero.
Yet, no matter how much I used his name while he was still in my belly, I rarely call him by his actual name now. He is my buddy, bud, little mister, my boy, cutie pie, little buddy and so many more. But why don't I use his actual name? I used it for months before he was born. Even a bit in the NICU. Why not now? I wonder if it's because I almost feel awkward calling him by his name. I know, it sounds weird. But when I use his name, it feels so unnatural. I mean, he's definitely a Parker, he's our Parker. But using his actual name just doesn't sit right yet. And then I wonder if that's because I so desperately want to talk to Korbin out loud, to call his name out, but I can't. And not being able to use Korbin's name, not being able to actually speak to him as physically present, makes me unable to use Parker's name, even though he is here.
Obviously this is something I need to get over. I'm going to have use Parker's name at some point and get used to saying it out loud. I guess thinking back, it was hard for me to say Korbin's name in front of others without trouble at first. His name brought out so much emotion I just couldn't utter it. And yet now I need to hear it and say it. So I can't let that affect how I am with Parker (right, easier said that done!). He deserves his time and for his name to be used too.
Because I got a lotta love to give.