Not our first

Tonight we went to our monthly mini (the car) meeting for our club. We're both club officers so it's important we continue to make it to each meeting and as many events as possible, and this means bringing P along with us. Thankfully he's easily soothed in the moby wrap and didn't make a peep during the entire meeting. Way to go, little mister! Everyone was so impressed.

After the meeting fellow club members were asking about P, and one asked me something that I'm getting used to answering by now. He asked if Parker was our first. I of course replied no, we had Korbin but he's not with us. This club member immediately apologized, saying 'I know, but, does he have any older siblings?'

Really? First off he knew about Korbin. Second, I already stated Parker had a big brother, Korbin.

I somehow calmly replied that he doesn't have older siblings at home. To me, emphasizing the 'at home' part doesn't negate that Korbin is being considered Parker's big brother. The club member paused for a moment and then seemed to accept this answer.

I should be used to this by now, but this exchange perturbed me because this club member (our entire club in fact) knew about Korbin already. And yet it still bothers me how uncomfortable people get when I try to talk about Korbin. I'm trying really hard to break that norm, that once a child dies they are not spoken of again. Do we never talk about a friend or older family member again after they have passed? Of course not, they are remembered and brought up in conversation from time to time. So then why can't I talk about my first son without people cringing or changing the subject or running away? He happened. He was born, he had a name and birth certificate. We held him. Yes of course it's fucking awful that he's not with us (excuse my language, but this just so frustrates me!), but I remember him! And I should be allowed to continue remembering him without people shying away.

/endrant

Because I got a lotta love to give.