Bad mom

There are days when I feel like I have absolutely no clue what I'm doing. From picking up my Baby Love 2 properly, to bathing him and keeping his skin soft, to even knowing when to feed or change him. Especially when we're with others who have been parenting for some time. I feel judged and awkward in front of them. This is where a phrase that grates on me is said by others, and yet I find myself saying it too at times.
Every day I strive to be the best mom possible for Parker. And this goes back to how I didn't get to do all these wonderful things with Korbin, like diaper changes and breast feeding or waking up every two hours in the night. I think I've mentioned it before, but it makes my heart ache more knowing what we have been missing out on with Korbin. But I still make mistakes. I maybe wait to long to figure out he's hungry or needs a diaper change, or that he's just plain tired but too tired to be soothed to sleep. And so I make mistakes. Some would think it wouldn't happen after losing Korbin. That by now I've read up on every parenting style out there and know what's coming before it's actually happening. But no, I'm just a 'new mom' still. Figuring this out for the first time. I shouldn't be, but I am.
I guess sometimes I'm just too in my own head, over-analyzing things and worrying what others are thinking of my parenting style. Really, I should care less about what others think of how we raise P. He's our kid and we're just doing the best we can. We became parents for the first time when we had Korbin, yet now we're actually parenting Parker. Can we call it something else? Otherwise it feels as though Korbin is forgotten. But he's still our first Baby Love and we'll never forget that.
Because we got a lotta love to give.