Trying again

We get asked here and there when baby two can be expected. Now, we could get mad about being asked about something so personal, but we know that those asking care about us, and just want to see us actually being the parents we wish we were.

I wish it were something we could just jump into with excitement and without care like the first time around. Not that one ever decides to try to start a family without thinking loads of things through first. But, now there is so much more to consider. Instead of just, can we afford this? Can we handle how life will change? Are we ready for no sleep and exhaustion? Now we also wonder, how long till we actually have a family with us here on Earth? Are we ready to go through such a devastating loss again? Can we handle chancing that? There's no guarantee that we'll get to have any of our future children with us, can we risk putting our hearts and our relationship on the line like that?

The excitement is gone, and if anything could replace that, I think it may be desperation. Time keeps passing and Korbin's gone and I still get comments from random parents that, you know, I know what things are like because I'm a parent. Ya, it's great to be recognized. But no, I actually have no clue what it's like to parent a child. I wish I knew, desperately really.

I do appreciate others expressing their excitement for us and the possibilities the future may hold for us. It's amazing support that we need. Especially since we're sometimes lacking in the excitement department. They definitely remind me, when sometimes I've forgotten, that I got a lotta love to give.