Let's talk about grief

The other day I had a fantastic conversation about grief (the chat where I heard the phrase, 'make room at the table'). It honestly was really nice to just talk about grief in general. There was no mention of Korbin, and that wasn't a bad thing. Not that I don't think about him, because I do constantly. He is always with me. Even today I cried a few times thinking of him, and how excited I was to be having my baby boy. I was over the moon, on top of the world. Life was so perfect and I could not have been any happier. I wonder if I'll ever get to raise a boy, and if I do will I be okay even though he isn't Korbin. I still have so much to work through and grieve.

Back to this talk: it really stuck out to me as, for whatever reason, as of late I have not wanted to be asked about my kids or if I have kids or how I'm actually doing. It honestly just hurt too much to get into, too much to put into words actually. I was really struggling.

Now I think I'm doing better. The ache in my heart is constant, as is the hole that Korbin's presence once filled, but I am accepting it and learning how to live with it. I can talk about my pregnancy, because I was pregnant and I loved every second of it (despite the nausea that never went away). I've made a place at the table for my pain, my grief, for loss, and for Korbin. And I need to give them their time. I may not be able to talk about Korbin specifically at times, but I can talk about my grief, or even about dealing with grief. Maybe through talking about that, the pain associated with talking about Korbin will lessen and I'll be able to talk about him too. Which would be good because sometimes my heart is hurting so much I think it might explode and talking about it may keep that from happening (hopefully).

I got a lotta love to give.