Supply

After being a slave to the pump in the for so long, I became desperate to get nursing figured out. I mean come on now, our Baby Love 2 is home now, and yet I was still pumping and then measuring out specific amounts and hoping he'd eat it all. I need that bonding time with this new little one, we've gone too long already without it.

I stopped the formula additive as soon as he was discharged. Formula can be a good thing, but I don't want it for our second baby. He's being checked once a week so far so we can see quickly if that was a bad idea or not. So far, he is still gaining weight. Yay! I feel so much better without adding that.

But as I did a hard stop of pumping over the last weekend, and switched solely to breast feeding, I felt the huge decline in my supply. And this made my heart sink and my stomach ache. Could this have been panic attack number three coming on?

I immediately scheduled an appointment with a lactation nurse, and started up pumping again. My supply returned, but do I really have to keep this up? Can I emotionally make the switch? I need to see what I'm producing, yet it's time away from Parker. And exhausting.

The hard part now is not knowing my volumes when I nurse, and just trusting Parker is eating enough for him. Yet not knowing my volumes is really hard on me as my volumes are something I became so proud of while P was in the NICU. The nurses would always comment on how lucky he is, to not have to worry about getting enough of my milk without supplementing. And it became something I could control with my diet and taking supplements. Most importantly, breast milk is like the one thing I can give Parker. I have to be able to continue this!

After meeting with the lactation nurse, I feel such relief in the new knowledge she gave me. Turns out, I'm a super producer. At my peak when I was solely pumping, I was producing 40oz+ a day. The average: 20oz. Okay, I guess I'm doing okay. But, as hard as it will be mentally to do so, I have to reduce this for P. Being a super producer means he only gets fore milk, and none of the fatty hind milk where the major calories are. This imbalance can mean tummy troubles for him, which would explain the green poops since switching.

Thankfully, the volume reduction isn't forever. Biology is amazing. As he needs more, he'll stimulate my body to produce more.

For now, I'm on a pumping reduction plan for the next two weeks, taking out one pumping session a day until we're solely EBF. This will be hard mentally and emotionally for me as, again, this feels like the one thing I've been able to do for P and have control of. But it must be done so I can produce what's best for him.

The time I spend nursing P is so important, especially as I never had the opportunity to do so with Korbin. Which is why in my mind I have to make this work and keep it up for as long as possible.

Because I got a lotta love to give.