Yesterday was our second ultrasound with perinatology to check Baby Boy 2s blood flow (anemia) and see where my cervix is at now that we're at 24 weeks. Well, my cervix is like a non-issue now. Long and closed, exactly how it should be. What I should not have done was breathe a sigh of relief after hearing the ultrasound tech say those words, "long and closed." Lots of other measurements were taken, and I heard his heart beat a bunch. 150ish, healthy and beautiful.
Meeting with the perinatologist was not so great, however. For some reason I'd had this sinking feeling that the number they give us for his blood flow would be 1.4, but I kept saying no, it has to be just 1.2, still well below 1.5. As soon as this doc said 1.47 I about broke down. He then asked me why I was worried. Um, hello, really?
We then proceeded to have a very awkward conversation where I truly struggled to understand the numbers and stats he kept presenting. On the one hand, people presenting with the antibody level I have rarely have an issue during their pregnancy. Only 1-2% actually need to go the transfusion route. On the other hand, we're stepping up monitoring because we're so close to that 1.5 cut off. And yet even if we barely cross it we may not do transfusions but being at 1.5 or above means we'll need to do transfusions but remember only 1-2% in our situation actually need a transfusion and hitting numbers like 1.7-1.8 means we definitely do one but anything above 1.5 calls for a transfusion but not immediately because they'll watch it every 3-4 days at that point to see if it stays or not but as soon as you cross 1.5 you do a transfusion.
Did you get that? I still don't get it. And when this doc told me to not prove him wrong and actually need a transfusion I knew I did not like him as a physician for us. I mean, he pretty much jinxed us. Right?
I tried to ask about scheduling my c-section as our precious doc had mentioned. Do we do 36 weeks or 37 weeks? I've heard both now. This doc looked at me and asked me,"why do you get to determine your care?" I didn't know how to answer I was so confused. Finally I said that the previous doc had told me to be positive and schedule it now as things can always be rescheduled but the closer we get to 37 (or is it 36?) weeks the more difficult it becomes to coordinate all of it. He scoffed and said he still didn't understand why I thought I was in charge of my care.
So confused. On so many levels.
Thankfully, things are fine right now. My cervix is cooperating, and we don't need a transfusion just yet. But am I any less concerned? Heck no. I still can't believe this doc even said to me that he doesn't know why I'm so worried. I will do my best to not be stuck with him again. Next week I go back for another ultrasound and consult, this time with a different doc.
What really sucks is that this extra worry is completely unnecessary. I should have received the shot when we had Korbin. Ideally, he should be with us getting ready to welcome his baby brother home in the next few months. Sadly, that's just a dream of how life could be perfect, and a reminder of how it's not and won't ever be fully perfect. I just have to find some hope left that we'll be bringing Baby Boy 2 home, and not too soon, healthy.
Is that too much to ask for now?
Because we got a lotta love to give.
That's crap. You are ABSOLUTELY in charge of your own health care, and the care of your baby. Isn't that why God gave us motherly instincts? What a jerk. Time for a new doctor. Is there any way to request to see a certain doctor as consistently as possible? It's important for you to trust and know your doctor, and for your doctor to know you well and understand where you're coming from. And if someone asks you why you're worried, I would tell him in very specific terms EXACTLY why you're worried, and ask what he's going to do about it. Grr.
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