Overwhelmed

Exhausted. Relieved.

That's the simplest, quickest way to describe this week so far.

Monday was the start of 26weeks for Baby Boy 2 and me. We had our usual check up and ultrasound set with perinatology, and despite last week's appointment going so well, I knew we were headed into dangerous territory.

Call it a mother's intuition, but last week I felt so calm and confident that this little guy was holding out and able to keep up with making his red blood cells despite my antibodies continuing to break them down. Sure enough, his do pokers looked good and we were free to go. Monday went so differently.

I was nervous, anxious, and I just knew somethig was wrong. The numbers looked high even to me with my little bit of understanding. What sealed in my fears was when the ultrasound tech came back after reviewing with the physician to take just one more picture: the exact location of where the umbilical cord enters the placenta. There's no other reason to know that at this point (at least that I know of) except to plan for a transfusion.

Despite how active our little guy always seems to be, he was now on the losing side of a battle between himself and my body, which is supposed to just nourish him and support him till he's ready for the world outside. I broke down completely when the perinatologist was reviewing everything with me. It's a life-saving treatment for our baby, but it definitely comes with great risks. Preterm labor, fetal distress, even fetal demise in 1% of cases. That's what totally killed me. We've been in those small percentages so consistently (with losing Korbin, having these antibody issues, and now with Baby Boy 2 actually needing a transfusion) that I just lost all hope for a moment. I broke.

Despite my reaction, the perinatologist seemed quite positive about entering into this next phase. With my placenta anterior again, the entry for the umbilical cord has ended up at the top edge, leaving it extremely easy access to the perinatologists when doing the transfusion. Something I was frustrated to learn early on in pregnancy has now become a huge relief.

Going back to work Monday was not an option. I could not stop crying and was just a total wreck. Thankfully I work for extremely supportive employers who understand it can be hard to give your best when you're feeling the worst. I took Monday to try and collect myself, and tell immediate family what was happening now.

Tuesday I went back to work, but it was mostly to clean up things in preparation for my absence. I had prepared myself for having Baby Boy 2 this week, but hopeful he'd be fine. So I needed to leave  work in a good place. Plus I had appointments all day long in preparation for Wednesdays transfusion. I received the steroid shots to help Baby Boy 2s lungs develop in case of early delivery. I had my usual check up with my OB (which became my last with the new developments). I had to have blood drawn at the hospital to ensure we got the correct blood for our little guy. And then I decided last minute to check out the lactation specialists at Swedish.

After my milk did not come in when I had Korbin, that has been one of my biggest fears with this pregnancy. We know we're having this little guy early, so will it not come in again? Well I'm so glad I walked in and got an appointment right away as I learned so much about what I can and need to do to ensure my milk comes in and I can feed and nourish our next little guy, even when he's in the NICU. Somehow this appointment helped me feel prepared for whatever was to come on Wednesday.

Wednesday we got up and ready to get to the hospital early for an ultrasound first. Sometimes the steroid shots can temporarily lower the affects of my antibodies, letting baby catch up a bit and not be anemic at this moment after all. I was really holding out for this, but it was not the case. Ry said he'd rather just do the transfusion and know our little guy is just fine instead of waiting and maybe things getting worse. While I agree, the procedure still scares the shit out of me, and I just broke down again for a bit.

Next was prep for the transfusion, which happens within a labor and delivery room. It was a whirlwind of doctors and nurses and staff prepping me and everything they needed. Each one took a moment to ask how I was doing. I was just doing my damnedest to be as calm as possible. Our baby's life is now truly in their hands and I had to find some trust in them.

I went under conscious sedation at about 11:30am while Baby Boy 2 was paralyzed temporarily (such a scary thought). I could only look at the ultrasound machine and watch the blood flow in, and that's all I really remember. Then it was done and they were out and I was passing out exhausted and relieved after hearing them say it couldn't have gone better. Thank God.

Baby Boy 2 was monitored for a good heart rate and return of movement, while I was then monitored for contractions. Three hours later all looked good, it was noted repeatedly that we have such a happy little guy, and we were discharged. I did worry all night that I'd feel contractions, but nothing. Again, thank God.

We made it through and it went so well! We're still pregnant with our happy little guy kicking and squirming away, moving forward to 27weeks next Monday. Every day past 24w5d is a day of increased viability. Ryan was born at 28weeks. And Baby Boy 2 has had some steroids now to help with lung development. All good, positive things right now.

We're not in the clear just yet, however. Baby Boy 2 has had a good boost of healthy blood cells, but he'll need more to keep getting him through this pregnancy to a healthier delivery date. Possibly next week for the next one. Then hopefully we can space them out about 2-3weeks between transfusions.

So now we're looking at maybe mid-March for having our little guy. We're ready, and yet we can wait till then to meet him and take him home.

Because we got a lotta love to give.