Awkward

It feels harder to tell people that I am pregnant this time around, and yet telling people makes being pregnant that much more real. Which is something I need as I still at times feel like, wow, am I really pregnant? Yah, my boobs hurt and the nausea sucks and we've seen this little one on ultrasound twice now, but I don't feel baby yet, and I'm not showing yet.

I thought that it felt awkward to tell people so early because I was so afraid to lose again, like I was jinxing things. But I do need to recognize this little one's presence in our lives now as it is definitely very real. So then why is it so awkward to tell people at times? I realized at work that what makes it awkward is when people don't know our history. Typically the first question when someone finds out is, 'is this your first?' Well, no. And then I tell them about Korbin and it's as if I have the plague and they suddenly can't get away from me quickly enough. So awkward.

I wish people weren't so afraid of loss. It happens, in many different ways, to everyone at some point in their lives. So really society shouldn't teach us to ignore loss, regardless of whether it's in one's own life or someone else's. Talking about loss when it happens is so much easier than trying to sweep it under the rug, at least for me. I don't expect constant hugs and 'I'm sorry's', just listen and let me get it out. It's even more awesome when people have the courage to ask questions.

Now, I get that it's not that easy to take in bad news from others. Heck, I don't always know what to say right away when people tell me of their losses, especially when it's unexpected. But I certainly won't my hide from them when they tell me.

Okay, rant over. I think I'm ready to start telling more people about our good news, and hope that no one else runs away when they hear what we've gone through to get to this point again. Hopefully I'll be able to continue being patient if people do turn and run the other way. Either way, we need to look ahead and be positive about this new chapter we're in now, this new little one who will hopefully stay in our lives a bit longer.

Because I got a lotta love to give.