Furbaby

As we started to settle back in to daily life after vacation last week, one of our pups presented with a super lumpy leg and a bad limp. We got him to the vet immediately, and I remember us joking with the tech on drop off that we can just wait for their call, no rush. He's not dying, haha! Wrong. Turns out our beautiful pup, Seven, has osteosarcoma, a very aggressive bone cancer. Two days later we were at the specialists to discuss amputation and chemo. We discussed every aspect we could think of. Seven's quality of life with and without surgery, as well as his quality of life with and without chemo. Cost is a factor to think about, too, as amputations aren't cheap. And neither is the subsequent chemo. In all of this, one thing I'm so grateful for is the vet specialist saying, "you are doing the right thing; no matter what you do." In other words, even if we chose to just keep Seven as pain free as possible for the next month, that's a good option for him. I was fine and together up until he said that.

This is where some may chime with, "well, he's just a dog." Ya, he's not a human child. And I will tell you that there is definitely a different feeling to this than losing a child. Trust me. But Seven's still our furbaby. He's a part of our family and our love and compassion for him, even if just an animal, drive us to do everything we can. And fortunately, we can afford all that that entails. We're hopeful his next year will be a great one, even though it's only one more year.

My heart has dealt with such grief before this. It's as if I have already bolstered myself up to weather the worst as the worst has already happened. Nothing can really compare. I think what I feel most right now, though, is shock. Before all of this in just the past week, I had been stealing myself for Bear to be our first furbaby to pass. She's older, a pure-bred, crotchety. I seriously thought that she was going to be the first to leave us and I had been trying to imagine how Seven would be, how P would understand her absence. Instead it's our younger mixed-breed pup that is suddenly leaving us too soon. I guess no matter how old, dogs leave us too soon as they never live as long as we do. And sadly, as Ryan pointed out, P may not really remember Seven. That broke me a bit, too. It's so sweet to see Seven follow P around and lick and sniff him.

What's really hard to imagine at the moment, though, is how broken Seven will be coming out of this. I so regret not taking him to more dog parks and open fields. Any time he's "escaped", he's just been lying in an open field, happy as a clam, soaking in all the sunshine he can get. We took him to the dog park last Saturday for one last four-legged hoorah, but he just tired so quickly. He had already stopped using the bad leg (practice, right?), and seemed a bit wary and nervous instead of excited and wanting to explore. I know he can be okay as a three-legged pup, I just can't imagine him like that yet. As not whole any more. It hurts my heart a bit. Even knowing it's so good that the cancer has been removed, I just hope he understands and can still be so happy and playful and goofy.

Finally, what will Bear think when Seven's gone? She's a bit prissy and thinks he needs to submit to her constantly. Will she be relieved to have us all to herself again? Or will she be mopey and lack energy like just before we got Seven? He became her baby, sort of, and really woke up her energetic and playful side again.

As for now, I've cried. I've felt so anxious, out of sorts, worried. I love Sev to pieces, but honestly, it's different. Maybe because we go in to welcoming a pup in to a family knowing full well they will leave us before we know it. We still get dogs despite knowing they will die before us. Maybe that's what sets it apart from losing a child, even if your pet is your baby. Can it be devastating and crushing? Heck yes. But, please don't compare losing a pet to someone losing their child. Seriously, I love Sev and it saddens me that he's going through all of this, but it is not the same.

On the bright side, he is still here and supposed to come home tomorrow, and I so look forward to having him back home and safe with us for now. 

Because, even if he's just a dog, we've got a lotta love to give.