Baby Clothes

Man, who knew going through and passing on baby clothes could be so emotional? Well, I guess I kind of knew. I remember my dad having us sit down with my step mom to go through all of Sarah's and Roland's baby clothes to donate stuff. She got so upset, and understandably so, as she'd just had her third or fourth miscarriage in just a few short years. She wasn't ready to be done just yet.

I gave all of Ps clothes to Chelsea, knowing full well she may have a girl. But I guess a part of me wanted her to have a boy just so I could selfishly still be attached to those precious outfits somehow. She's had her beautiful little girl now, and so the majority of the clothes just aren't quite girly enough. No big deal, I know some other pregnant friends who will need boy clothes. I'd so rather they get the clothes than donate them. At least I could still see an outfit or two. But I can't really ask for them back now. Not like I felt I could with Chelsea.

The hardest part is coming to the realization that I most likely don't need them back. I want them, because I'm not done. But we don't even know if we could 'safely' try to have even just one more kiddo. We're working on figuring that all out, but until then, we are technically done. And I'm having such a hard time with that.

The clothes are so much more than bags of clothes. They're a chapter we're probably already done with. It's a hard chapter, one I feel I could do again, but Ry isn't so sure (in fact, he knows he couldn't). It's just such an emotional place to be.

I cried huge alligator tears yesterday, my heart heavy knowing all of this. I'm just not done yet.

Because I gotta love to give.