Ps first Christmas

This year was our first Christmas with a child with us. One would think, oh that must be just so fun and exciting! Yes, the holiday season leading up to Christmas was good, but Christmas Day was still so hard!

It was hard to get into the Christmas spirit, and making myself do things like shop for others and decorate and bake definitely helped, but a part of me just gets so down this time of year. It's really hard to ignore that piece of me (Korbin) and just be happy. And that sounds so ungrateful! I am seriously so thankful for P, so happy to have him and hold him and love him here with us. But I still miss K, and I know I always will.

There's a Mariah Carey song, I miss you most at Christmastime, that just pulls at my heart strings and brings me so close to tears every time I hear it. And of course it's played a ton this time of year.

I just try my hardest to get into the holiday spirit. The build up to Christmas is the best part, and Christmas Day has become almost a let down now. I honestly thought this year with P would be totally different. I expected it to be. But it still felt the same, somewhat empty with a major piece missing. This is something I'm going to have to overcome as the years go by. If not for me but for P. I need to be present and happy with and for P.

Because I got a lotta love to give.