Full Time

I just finished my first week back full time at work and it was rough. It ended up being as difficult as I had thought it would be, and had hoped it wouldn't. Being away from P so many days in a row sucked! And yet I know I can do this.

I felt okay from Sunday through Wednesday, especially since I was getting so much done at work. But Thursday was difficult as I had trouble with the new techniques I'm learning, and by the end of the day I felt drained completely, and emotional. Not being completely successful at work made me feel like I was making a mistake going back full time so soon. And this made me wish I was home having snuggle time with P that much more, instead of struggling at work.

It's such a hard balance to find, to be a working mom. There are too few hours in the day to feel completely satisfied at work and at home. After a full day of work, there's still laundry and dishes, dinner, cleaning pump parts and setting up milk and diapers and spare clothes for the next day. That all takes so much time away from P, on top of being away from him all day for work.

Yet I know working is good for me, but I want to be at home so much still. I fear I'll be losing some important moments with our second little man. First steps? First word? What will it be? Hopefully nothing! It was all I could do to not burst into tears thinking about these things driving home from the tough work day to pick up P from daycare.

Here's to hoping I find the balance between work and home sooner than later.

Because I got a lotta love to give.