5 Months!

Today P is 5 months old, and I still can't believe he's here and he's ours to keep. Someone commented recently that she feels like she's babysitting and someone's coming to pick up her kid at the end of the day. After losing a child, it seriously feels like that all the time. And then I have this moment of ecstatic clarity that P is mine and he's really here and I really do get to be his mommy and care for him and make big scary decisions about how we want to raise him and care for him the best way we see fit. We are so blessed to have the chance to do that! And my heart just swells with how much I love him and having him here with us.

Watching him grow and develop never gets old! He'll work hard on something like rolling over for so long, get worked up and frustrated time after time. And then suddenly he masters it and it's all he can do now! Absolutely amazing and exciting to watch.

There are so many things he's doing now: rubbing his eyes when he's tired, pursing his lips (would love to capture in a photo!), looking at and grabbing his legs during diaper changes, trying to sit up (baby an crunches!), blowing bubbles (oh the drool now...), squealing and screeching and finding his much louder voice, grasping things, reaching out and holding onto toys, and he even scooted forward three times after he rolled back to front! So much is happening, it's awesome.

And there are some tender moments I'll cherish forever. At about 17weeks I was about to nurse him one day and he stopped, looking directly at Korbin's foot prints. And then he reached out and touched them. I of course teared up but was able to tell P that those foot prints are his brother Korbin's. Such a special moment.

Also, while nursing he'll stop eating, look up at me and then just smile so big. My heart just melts, despite how much my boob hurts since he's not eating as fully when he does this. It's now turned into latch, look up and smile, unlatch, repeat. Over and over and over again. Hey little man, that milk needs to leave my boob and get in your belly! I just have to laugh about it.

He's become so squirmy while nursing that at times I feel like I have to tackle and hold him down just to get him to focus and eat! I laugh now....

Ryan and P have such a fun and playful relationship. They have their own games that I try to mimic but of course the smiles and smiles only happen when Ry plays them with P. It's so random, but Ry holds Parker's little hands between his own and runs them as though to warm them up on a cold day, and P laughs and giggles so much from this! I love watching the two of them. It's really fascinating to me how we're both so important to P, but in our own individual ways.

Loving every moment with my little man here with us.

Because I got a lotta love to give.