NICU Tour

Last Friday we took a tour of the NICU where our little guy will be for what I seriously hope is not too long. We also got to sit down with one of the neonatologists and hear her idea of how things will go knowing our case history, and ask any and all questions we may have. What an eye-opener this meeting was! I feel like I'm still trying to digest all of the info we got during the meeting.

The NICU is set up with very right security. No glass walls for random people to look in to see what's happening at any given moment. Ry and I will each be given an ID bracelet at the time of the little guy's birth, while he'll two first thing in the delivery room. These bands are Ry's and my entry into the NICU, just the two of us. The babies stay in groups of six, but each isolette has it's own fridge for breast milk, rocking chair, and a curtain for privacy when needed. There are a few rooms parents can request to stay in over night, however, we can only use them for two nights during his whole stay. We'll only really have immediate family members (grandparents, aunts and uncles) allowed to visit, and that can only happen one person at a time as they have to be with either Ry or myself to be allowed into the NICU.

After the tour we sat down with one of the neonatologists where we were able to lay out our (probably really my) biggest concerns/fears and then she laid out how she predicts things will go knowing his particular case.

My biggest fear is the idea of being discharged and having to go home with our little guy, because he'll be in there for a while compared to me. We've already left once before with empty arms, how can we do that again? It's such a difficult part of all of this to try and stomach. My other fear is not having their support in me being able to provide his nutrition while he is in the NICU.

Best case scenario, we get further than we think we will, and then we'd have an opportunity to spend a few hours together right after delivery. I would absolutely love this. But the reality is that he's going to need some immediate attention for many reasons.

First, being premature, they've got to make sure he's breathing okay, which he may not be on his own just yet. The steroid shots only work in the week they are given. So say we have him at week 34, but we've already most likely had a second transfusion (before which we'd have the second course of steroids), we're all just hoping he's developed enough to breathe on his own.

Another issue with prematurity is that the stomach and intestines actually aren't quite ready for actual food, even breast milk. So he'll have to be incubated and fed a basic sugar water type mixture. They can and will swab his mouth with colostrum/breast milk, which is so reassuring that they want to do this. It provides so many good antibodies for him that his body needs, especially being premature. Eventually they'll switch to breast milk, but it will most likely be via a tube at first, and then a bottle. And then hopefully he'll have the energy to do the rooting to attempt breast feeding. All of this takes a considerable amount of energy, so I just hope he's born big and strong as can be so feeding is easier on him.

The biggest issue he'll have is the bilirubin build up from my antibodies breaking down his red blood cells. He'll most likely need a transfusion immediately after birth (which would be why we have him preterm, it's easier to transfuse on him directly than in utero once you hit week 34). And then he'll need the bili lights on him for hours and hours. I asked about the bili blanket, but honestly, the risks of not using the light enough are just huge in my mind. Basically, a build up of bilirubin can eventually cross into the brain and cause permanent brain damage. And the antibody issue gives him a huge amount of bilirubin to deal with. Yup, use the lights.

Because he'll be a c-section baby, I won't be able to go with him to the NICU, but Ryan can, and will. Once I'm stable they'll take me to our new little guy on a stretcher. As much as I long for that immediate skin-to-skin contact time, I need to know he's going to be okay. That is first priority. I didn't think I'd get to that point, but I'm glad I finally have. It's been a long and difficult grieving process, mostly internal, but Baby Love 2's health is really what's most important.

There are still things I can fight for, like the breast feeding, and thankfully the neonatologists want the babies eating breast milk over their formula. However, this leads me to my first fear: leaving the hospital without him. They will even tell me to go home. Why? Because really, I can't produce a good amount of breast milk for him unless I'm sleeping and eating and healthy. Recovering from a c-section will take more time, but Ryan and I have already started making our daily plan if him dropping me off, he'll go to work, then he'll come and stay with us for a few hours before Ry and I head home for the evening. We do still have the dogs at home to take care of, and we can't just forget about them. It's going to be hard to balance it all and get through it. But we'll just have to do it.

Of course there were random things to go over. Like clothes; do we provide them? Can he wear clothes in the isolette? The hospital actually provides them, but we can certainly bring him his own, we just need to label them clearly. We can also slightly personalize his area. I'm thinking of bringing our Korbin Bear, as well as a blanket to keep there. It will be hard for me to leave Korbin bear there overnight, but he'll be needed there to watch over his little brother while we're away.

Overwhelming. I think I'm still overwhelmed. The perinatologists made it sound like he'd hardly be in there at all. But really we're to expect 4-6weeks. Basically, however early you have your baby, the time till they're discharged is what we weeks it takes to get them to their term due date. Sometimes they can be released earlier, but with the bilirubin issue we aren't expecting this.

Whatever it takes to be able to bring him home healthy and strong.

Because we got a lotta love to give.