Two weeks ago my levels had remained steady, no need to worry yet. I cried I was so relieved. And just prayed and hoped and wished they'd stay this way till maybe 28weeks, and at least till after 24weeks. I really needed to get past 24weeks without any major hiccups. It will be a hard enough week to get through as it is.
Now I'm just waiting for an MFM to call me to schedule a consult and the first of many ultrasounds specific to monitoring Baby 2's blood flow. We'll need to do that within the next week. So much for a joyful and stress-free Christmas.
I had many questions for my OB. Would I get to see her still? Will she be able to deliver this little guy when the time comes? How much of my care switches now? What's next? What are the odds of needing a transfusion?
Thankfully, I can stick with her for my basic pregnancy management. I really need her by my side through all of this. If anything, all of my following ultrasounds will be with the specialist that way I don't to do two separate ones each week or every two weeks. We still don't know how often Baby Boy 2 will need to be checked, that will be up to the MFM specialist and whatever they suggest is best for our case. It might be weekly, or just every two weeks like what we're doing right now.
What's really getting to me now is the mention of possibly delivering earlier than 36weeks if things aren't looking good. I thought that the only thing to fear was a possible transfusion into Baby 2. But I guess if he's not doing well, my OB will do an even earlier c-section and he'll hopefully so better on his own. Last night I slept horribly, thinking only of extended stays in the NICU and whether or not I'd be able to breast feed this one, or just pump and bottle feed, or will they only allow their own formula (which I am so against as I've heard the horror stories of the necrosis in the intestines causing death and the only possible link so far being hospital feeding versus breast milk). What if my milk doesn't come in again? What if he doesn't latch because he was bottle-fed in the hospital for too long? How long would he have to stay? For whatever reason it had never occurred to me that we may not be taking him home when I am discharged. Could I leave the hospital empty-armed again? Even if I knew this one is alive and being cared for still? I'm just exhausted today.
We have so much to figure still. And again, just so much to wait and watch out for. It's really becoming exhausting, and difficult to keep a positive outlook. Just when I start to feel excited, something else creeps in.
I need some sort of hope to keep looking forward to this new little guy.
Because I got a lotta love to give.
He's YOUR baby; he will not have formula unless you let him. You get to be his voice while he's little, and you get to be as loud as you want. Don't get talked into anything you're not comfortable with. Also, about leaving him in the hospital: my friend who just had twins got to stay in their room for several weeks while they were there. The bed was awful, and really just a couch, but she never had to leave. You can take a tour of the hospital facilities any time you want, just arrange it with your doctor. Don't stress over your milk, you have plenty of other things to focus on right now, and milk is later down the line. I'd be happy to make you some lactation cookies, and I have a friend who is a lactation consultant who can help answer a lot of your questions. You can also have as much of my milk as you want, if that's not too weird; I overproduce, and I'd be happy to start storing some up for you if you're interested. Let me know. Also, when I told you baby could have some of my blood, I was 100% serious. You and your baby are so, so very loved and prayed for all of the time, and if I can support you in any tangible way as well, you just name it. Anything I can do to help you feel less anxious and stressed as you wait to meet your little mister I will gladly do. Love, love, love, love you all, and you're always in my prayers!
ReplyDeleteMy milk didn't come in and I totally struggled with breastfeeding and had to give up on the idea. My son thrived on formula--sure I would have liked to have breastfed, but what was most important was that he was getting nutrition. The important thing is to get mom and baby through a safe delivery and fingers crossed that you will be able to go full term. <3
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