So much to take in

Yesterday we had the big anatomy scan. The appointment went well, and Baby 2 is doing great so far according to measurements. And we found out what this little one is! Lots of good news and excitement, but it comes with more information that can be difficult to digest. I'll start with the good, touch on the not so good, and hopefully be able to come back around to the good.

Before I go into it what Baby 2 is, I first need to go over feelings about having a girl versus another boy. Having a girl would be exciting, and as much as I just really want to raise a boy, I actually felt excitement in thinking that Baby 2 is possibly a girl. This surprised me, as not having Korbin with us still leaves me desperately wanting to raise a boy. I remember going through members of support group to see the odds that we could have another boy after losing one. If anyone was having or had a girl after losing a boy, I felt so completely helpless. But then I'd feel guilty because I don't want just any boy, I still want Korbin. And a boy to raise. I didn't think it was possible to want a girl after losing Korbin.

And yet, would having a girl be easier to handle after losing Korbin? I believe so. Everything about this pregnancy could be so different. I fixated on this and could only imagine frilly things, bows and flowers and purple and pink. I was 100% sure Baby 2 is a girl. Until we saw this first thing yesterday:

Yup, another boy! I have to say, I was so shocked that all I really absorbed for the remaining hour of the ultrasound was that everything looks normal. (And that my cervix is even longer than previously measured, how does that work?!? But I'm totally okay with that.) A boy. A little brother for Korbin! And yes, I'm thrilled!

So, lots of exciting and good news. Longer cervix, healthy baby boy 2. 

But, we did get some news that I was really in denial about being true. Turns out Baby Boy 2 is Rh positive, and therefore can be affected by the antibodies I am producing against him if they surpass a certain level, which we're already nearing. At this point, I can't stress about it. I just don't have the mental or emotional capacity to stress about it unless something more actually happens. Which is frustrating.

But we're still monitoring everything. I had another blood draw yesterday to recheck antibody D levels. In two weeks we'll recheck both D and antibody C because though C is still in small quantities, it too can affect Baby 2. If D does in fact surpass the threshold level, which seems inevitable at this point, we switch to a different ultrasound facility with special equipment that monitors Baby 2s blood flow. We'll also be getting a second opinion from a different perinatologist (at least a different office that doesn't think double billing for an appointment is okay and standard practice). What worries me most about this is that this is less time with my OB. I think she is my security blanket in all of this, and I rely completely on her abilities for my care and Baby 2's care too.

Now, I know that everything is being done in the best interest of Baby 2, and seeing a perinatologist will be done if Bsolutely necessary. But with so many appointments already, going elsewhere for parts of them just sounds so stressful, when I'm struggling to not stress these days.

In a nutshell, I'm really trying to be excited for all the good that there is right now. As time keeps moving us forward, I know there going to be more difficult moments ahead, and things will be even more stressful. So, focusing on the good. Baby 2 is a boy!! Here's the announcement I posted on Facebook:

I seriously felt so clever, haha. And here's a beautiful profile shot from yesterday:

With so much to mentally and emotionally prepare ourselves for, it's time to be excited while we still can.

Because we are excited for this next little guy, and love him so much already.

And we got a lotta love to give.