Enough

It's been way too long since my last post, but I have been a LOT internally. What's remained forefront in my mind is the epiphany I had about myself a couple of months ago. First, I should mention I am pregnant and we found out in the beginning of January. Discovering that amazing news did not change my drive for medicine in the least. It's something I still want, and need to be a part of in my daily life. Back to my epiphany: I realized that not applying to medical school earlier in life was my own fault, that I was the one holding myself back because I didn't think I was smart enough or that I could really do it. Yet, a couple of months, I realized I had finally broken passed that barrier, feeling like I am smart and quick enough. I can do it. I just need a school to see that and accept me.
Sadly, none of the 13 schools I applied to this year accepted me. But I'm okay with it as I don't need them to tell me whether or not I am capable of being a fantastic student or possible future physician. What a seriously amazing feeling and realization for me, and a huge weight lifted off of my shoulders. My spirits have raised, and I feel so much more content and at peace with life now. I am really happy.
Despite not getting in to school again, I have also been awakened now to how much I love the life that I have. My husband, our small fixer-upper home (which really is a love-hate relationship as we slowly work our way through each room being remodeled...), our two puppy dogs, and now our little guy on the way. And not only that, but I have reached my goal of being immersed within the medical field. The fertility laboratory I work for keeps me on my toes each day, and allows me the opportunities I have craved: working directly with patients, making difficult and quick decisions that can affect an outcome, working with a team of other professionals and physicians to make the even more difficult decisions together. I have that and I really do love it, I just didn't see that before.
So, who knows if medical school is still in the future for me. All I know is that it isn't in the now, but I'm okay with that. With everything that is happening and my husband and I are doing in life, I still got a lotta love to give, and now I can see that I am giving it each and every day.